Sometimes, I feel I just let people become important in my life, that I forget about how it may end up. By the time I realize it, its too late. Ive been over it a thousand times, and everytime - something is different. "Different" attracts me to such a level that I forget about what others think. I sometimes end up fucking up my so to say not reputation, but how people see me as a person. At one moment Im this person who is really sweet and shit, and at the other end im just some prick. The fact is, Im still that same sweet and shit person. One fucking incident or mistake doesnt make me a prick or a jerk or whatever adjectives go through the minds of people. And then well people start good at your face, and something else behind your back always keeps happening. Sometimes, that thought even gets me questioning about my best friends. There are so many things that I want to change and that I have to change, and Im really glad that my best friend is there to help me out with that. That really means a lot at this moment.
There are a lot of mixed feelings at this moment. At one end, I know what I have to concentrate on but at the other end, there are piles and piles of distractions and things that I feel will make me happy. Its like all I did was wrong. I thought it was right, but in the long run it was wrong. There is nothing I can do to what has already happened. There is nothing that I can do about or change how people feel. The only possible thing that I can do is change myself. If this change happens, I will totally evolute into this new person, create a new identity for myself. My priorities have changed. What im thinking of doing is going to be really hypocritical if I go according to what I used to think. :P For the first time, realization feels good. For the first time, after a long time, I can say that I feel positive. If I look back at my posts, there is A LOT of negativity in them. And yes, that would be the first thing that I would want to change. I would like to increase my level of exploration and well, change my thinking towards many things. I know that I am poor or should I say weak in some specific areas, but I would really like to make a statement that I am not at all what you think I am. The fact of the matter is, you dont know anything about me. You seem to know a lot about me and make your judgement. But the bigggest thing and maybe the most hardest thing is - I dont even know 'me'. Does that thought excite you? Will you try to make an effort because you care about what the world thinks about you? Or what your close ones think about what the world thinks about you? Today, Ive realized that the important thing, is the second one. The first one was just a cloak to hide reality or a plain simple lie. I guess reality also changed when your thinking changed. Your interpretation of reality changed. Your interpretation of why you even started writing a blog changed and your interpretation of why you shared the deepest thing you ever came up with changed.
Change is something which is eminent, change is something which is good, and change is eternal. You just have to find the right interpretation of 'change' and how you relate it to the decisions you want to make. Is change good in your case? Are you better off with change or are you still ok with whats happening and just like complaining about whats happening and dont do shit about it? Today has left me with a lot of questions, a lot of thoughts but most of all, it has left me with the single thing that was lacking for a long time - Positiveness.
So I guess this is a benchmark for me, I guess this will make you think differently. So watch out for the sands of time, they just come falling in your line ultimately to crash down on you. Or (theres always a but or an or) you can make your way up, see the end of the tunnel, not thinking whether or whether not you may find the light, and just carry on, happily. Stop thinking, start doing.
Ps - This post is dedicated to Siddhant Seth. He has been my best friend for the last 14 years now, and he's a real motherfucker! Basically this means that Im thanking him for being the best motherfucker around town. Again, in the best way possible. Yeah I just hope you get it. :P (Why did My Heart Will Go On just start playing in my mind? GAY. Lyollz)
There are a lot of mixed feelings at this moment. At one end, I know what I have to concentrate on but at the other end, there are piles and piles of distractions and things that I feel will make me happy. Its like all I did was wrong. I thought it was right, but in the long run it was wrong. There is nothing I can do to what has already happened. There is nothing that I can do about or change how people feel. The only possible thing that I can do is change myself. If this change happens, I will totally evolute into this new person, create a new identity for myself. My priorities have changed. What im thinking of doing is going to be really hypocritical if I go according to what I used to think. :P For the first time, realization feels good. For the first time, after a long time, I can say that I feel positive. If I look back at my posts, there is A LOT of negativity in them. And yes, that would be the first thing that I would want to change. I would like to increase my level of exploration and well, change my thinking towards many things. I know that I am poor or should I say weak in some specific areas, but I would really like to make a statement that I am not at all what you think I am. The fact of the matter is, you dont know anything about me. You seem to know a lot about me and make your judgement. But the bigggest thing and maybe the most hardest thing is - I dont even know 'me'. Does that thought excite you? Will you try to make an effort because you care about what the world thinks about you? Or what your close ones think about what the world thinks about you? Today, Ive realized that the important thing, is the second one. The first one was just a cloak to hide reality or a plain simple lie. I guess reality also changed when your thinking changed. Your interpretation of reality changed. Your interpretation of why you even started writing a blog changed and your interpretation of why you shared the deepest thing you ever came up with changed.
Change is something which is eminent, change is something which is good, and change is eternal. You just have to find the right interpretation of 'change' and how you relate it to the decisions you want to make. Is change good in your case? Are you better off with change or are you still ok with whats happening and just like complaining about whats happening and dont do shit about it? Today has left me with a lot of questions, a lot of thoughts but most of all, it has left me with the single thing that was lacking for a long time - Positiveness.
So I guess this is a benchmark for me, I guess this will make you think differently. So watch out for the sands of time, they just come falling in your line ultimately to crash down on you. Or (theres always a but or an or) you can make your way up, see the end of the tunnel, not thinking whether or whether not you may find the light, and just carry on, happily. Stop thinking, start doing.
Ps - This post is dedicated to Siddhant Seth. He has been my best friend for the last 14 years now, and he's a real motherfucker! Basically this means that Im thanking him for being the best motherfucker around town. Again, in the best way possible. Yeah I just hope you get it. :P (Why did My Heart Will Go On just start playing in my mind? GAY. Lyollz)
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