It's hard to say, but when nothing works out for you, you really tend to get frustrated easily. Its like getting locked up in this small cage and not being able to break free, after all possible attemps. Escapes from this feeling are quite rare. Things that motivate this feeling are reducing day by day as well. An hour of the computer everyday which means - an hour to socialize, listen to music, write this very post for the blog, mix/edit music etc etc. And then the fact that your parents still ask you why you are using the laptop during that one hour of the day. You're just left with a jaw dropped and the mouth opened wide. You look at the time table for tomorrow, and the whole week - and think, "How the fuck am I gonna do all this in a matter of 6 days?" On top of that, my maths teacher gives me 2 full chapters for homework to submit in 4 days, and tells you to increase the time of maths everyday from 2 to 3 hours. As if Maths is the only subject I have, and all other subjects have no importance. Yeah, thats how sad it is.
The general environment is getting more negative day by day. The level of boredom is rising immensely. Its a big challenge just to go through a single day. You don't feel like going to school. You have a dream in which you're sleeping - and then you're woken up at 5:45 in the morning to get ready. Lack of sleep is becoming common these days. Though there aren't any side effects till now - except for your mind and health going for a six. And then you have people around you that just make you think twice. What the fuck are they? Human beings or animals? With no positive human emotions. You try to get away from them, but they just find you wherever you go. Its like, you can run and you can hide as well, but not for long. Then sometimes normal people turn into such objects of misery that its wrong even trying to explain their misery and the despair. People get used so often, and they dont know a fucking thing about it. And well then there is the basic betreyal story. Act all good at first, then fuck with the person when you feel like. As if its a fucking game. Ok now im gonna act all sweet and get whatever I want, Ohh wait, I think I dont need anything else from this person, he can fuck off. Well sorry to say, that actually helped get over you very fast. Its like that was the only thing was left to do. But thanks really, If you wouldn't have done that, I still would have been complaining right now. I guess thats the only thing that is good right now, being able to control your emotions to an extent. May it be anger or just simply laughter. I guess laughter comes in this picture because I really pitty what goes through your head when you think of fucking with people in such a way. Doesn't it bore you after sometime? And aren't you scared that it might just happen to you again? What are the odds?
I guess all this is just my "Fear Of A Blank Planet" and not the book that it was influenced by. Because whatever the album says, thats kind of what Im going through - Instead of parents, my problem is other things. And that kind of really excites or I can say fascinates me - Being able to analyze or think about what you feel, why you feel in a certain way, and what actually the final outcome will be. Its like again, I can control it. This sadness or boredom has given me the power to look at a more broader view rathet than just the lame "happy ending" theory. Its 1:20 at night, and I just feel like writing. Its like the part of the day when I can just let loose and break free - from everything. The society, the social network, the internet, the world. This is just my time and I guess I really have a lot of fun in this personal time where there's no one knocking at the door en number of times, no one calling you continously and asking what you're doing and no one looking through the window just trying to get a glimpse of whats happening.
The general environment is getting more negative day by day. The level of boredom is rising immensely. Its a big challenge just to go through a single day. You don't feel like going to school. You have a dream in which you're sleeping - and then you're woken up at 5:45 in the morning to get ready. Lack of sleep is becoming common these days. Though there aren't any side effects till now - except for your mind and health going for a six. And then you have people around you that just make you think twice. What the fuck are they? Human beings or animals? With no positive human emotions. You try to get away from them, but they just find you wherever you go. Its like, you can run and you can hide as well, but not for long. Then sometimes normal people turn into such objects of misery that its wrong even trying to explain their misery and the despair. People get used so often, and they dont know a fucking thing about it. And well then there is the basic betreyal story. Act all good at first, then fuck with the person when you feel like. As if its a fucking game. Ok now im gonna act all sweet and get whatever I want, Ohh wait, I think I dont need anything else from this person, he can fuck off. Well sorry to say, that actually helped get over you very fast. Its like that was the only thing was left to do. But thanks really, If you wouldn't have done that, I still would have been complaining right now. I guess thats the only thing that is good right now, being able to control your emotions to an extent. May it be anger or just simply laughter. I guess laughter comes in this picture because I really pitty what goes through your head when you think of fucking with people in such a way. Doesn't it bore you after sometime? And aren't you scared that it might just happen to you again? What are the odds?
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