I wonder If you will ever look back and say - "I shouldn't have done what I did to you." Think for a second, that you actually cared about me, but didn't want to believe it. Just for a second. You mean nothing to me now, but still you make me think. I don't believe in your existence, but just like the devil, you fascinate me. It gets me thinking - What if it were to possess my body, and give me this power that is undefinable, strange, vivid. I guess the only reason why I believe in it is because Ive had enough of living a normal life - with normal incidences. I want to know how you are living, what you do, what you don't do. Is there any change? Are you doing the same thing to someone else, or still being immature? Its really amusing at times - Your existence. You feed of fear and pain, but sadly - Im perfectly fine. If you think that thinking about you makes a difference in my life, you are mistaken. You're more like a subject now, something worth studying. You are the abnormal that brings difference in the universe. Woah, universe. I guess thats a bit exaggerated, but I cannot think of any other word right now. Does all this go through your mind at 3 o clock at night while listening to Porcupine Tree? Im sure it does.
Things are just getting weird. The first odd months of my new class/stream were good. But now its just getting boring and uncomfortable. I have made new friends and they are nice and genuine people. But, they haven't been my friends for more than 5-6 years. They have their own bunch of friends, and sometimes I'm simply left alone. And its the same story with all my friends. We still keep meeting up, but the fact that we aren't in one class together - creates a problem. A BIG PROBLEM. I really miss them. The whole atmosphere has changed. There is this void, and theres no one fill it up.
Im not getting time to do the things I want to do. Everyday at school is so exhausting, I just reach home and crash on the bed. I don't have enough time for guitar, I don't have enough time to talk to my friends. I hardly talk on the phone nowadays. There are so many tuitions that I can't finish my school work. That leaves me with just around half an hour to an hour to use my laptop - Listen to music, talk to friends online, mix/record songs. And then at night, now my parents take my laptop away. So I can't sleep because I don't have music to make me to go to sleep. Going online through the phone is just useless - takes too much time. Blah blah blah. The list is endless. I am really waiting for October. The holidays, phew. Ill have some time to relax, cool off from all the stress, and be able to do all I can't right now. Just this one month. Thats all.
Things are just getting weird. The first odd months of my new class/stream were good. But now its just getting boring and uncomfortable. I have made new friends and they are nice and genuine people. But, they haven't been my friends for more than 5-6 years. They have their own bunch of friends, and sometimes I'm simply left alone. And its the same story with all my friends. We still keep meeting up, but the fact that we aren't in one class together - creates a problem. A BIG PROBLEM. I really miss them. The whole atmosphere has changed. There is this void, and theres no one fill it up.
Im not getting time to do the things I want to do. Everyday at school is so exhausting, I just reach home and crash on the bed. I don't have enough time for guitar, I don't have enough time to talk to my friends. I hardly talk on the phone nowadays. There are so many tuitions that I can't finish my school work. That leaves me with just around half an hour to an hour to use my laptop - Listen to music, talk to friends online, mix/record songs. And then at night, now my parents take my laptop away. So I can't sleep because I don't have music to make me to go to sleep. Going online through the phone is just useless - takes too much time. Blah blah blah. The list is endless. I am really waiting for October. The holidays, phew. Ill have some time to relax, cool off from all the stress, and be able to do all I can't right now. Just this one month. Thats all.
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